What's in a name?

I asked my friend C to write a guest post after I read this article about a California couple who sued the state so that the husband could take the wife's last name without extra fees. C's husband took her last name, with much less fanfare, in Hawaii 10 yrs ago. Here is her story:

It it with sorrow and surprise that I recently read about a California couple's struggle with trying to change their last names to the wife's last name rather than the husband's. I say this, because my husband took my last name with no legal difficulties when we married ten years ago in HI. This option was known to us only 48 hours prior to the ceremony, after we obtained and read our license and realized we would not have hyphenate. Had we known earlier, we would have created an entirely new last name as that was also an option, but one we could not invent in a mere 48hrs.

Many people have assumed my spouse is a feminist...he is not, not by a long shot. But, we did want to share a last name as that is one of the things that defined us as a new family (we are not fond of wedding bands), and would also facilitate international travel to places where unmarried couples can not sleep together (another unfortunate issue altogether). Ultimately, pragmatism led us to settle on my name as I would have had many more documents to change than my husband, who led a fairly uncomplicated life at the time of our wedding.

Little did we know that our families would read much more into our rather casual decision. My husband's friends were all a bit surprised, and while none really said so out loud, I am certain that they assumed that I had him in shackles....after all, taking a woman's last name carries with it a negative stigma of weakness and the like.

I have occasionally sensed that my husband felt some regret about his decision. He never missed his last name, rather, he has found it odd having to always explain why he has a name that clearly sounds like it is from the same country as his wife originally came from.

It is my sincere hope that some day, all states, and nations will allow lovers to keep, or change their names, including the creation of new ones at the time that they decide to create and distinct family. Ironically, neither one of us exists in my native country, in spite of passports bearing our names, as they do not recognize such name changes, even when they are official in the U.S.!
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